The Mommy Mullet: Surprises in Motherhood

When the world finds out that you’re pregnant, it is inevitable that advice from anyone and everyone will start pouring in. Your relatives, the old lady behind you in line at the grocery store, that girl you haven’t seen since high school who friended you on Facebook just to let you know that you will never ever be skinny ever again. Everyone has very sweet things to say, everyone has horror stories to share, and everyone knows that if you just do what they say everything will work out perfectly.
I would have to say that what I have learned the most from all this advice is that every mamma, every pregnancy, and every baby is different. All you can really do is take it all in, store it away, and tap in to the advice archives of your mamma brain when the situation warrants it.
What I did not expect, however, was for there to be any mamma/baby situation that I had not heard about from the giant pool of advice I had stored away or the hundreds of parenting articles I had been pouring over like I was cramming for an exam. I know every pregnancy is different, but I thought I would share some of my motherhood surprises in case someone else out there could use a warning (or some birth control in the form of a blog post 😉).
My brand new baby and my thick, gorgeous head of hair.
My brand new baby and my thick, gorgeous head of hair.

One of the best things about pregnancy is getting that awesome, dewy complexion and sporting the mane of a mermaid. At least while your belly is ginormous, from the neck up you can have that mystical “I’m growing a human” sparkle. Unfortunately, once the baby is born that pretty much all goes down the tubes (Again, everyone is different! This is just my experience). I knew that all the hair that didn’t fall out during pregnancy would start to evacuate all at once… I just didn’t prepare myself for it to keep falling out. 

Even photoshop couldn't hide my receding hairline, but luckily I'm holding the world's cutest baby as a distraction.
Even photoshop couldn’t hide my receding hairline, but luckily I’m holding the world’s cutest baby as a distraction.

All my mommy friends would say “Don’t worry! It’s not like you’re going to go bald! lol”. Well, think again, lol-ing mamas. Not only was the shower drain clogging up after every shower, but my hairline kept receding further and further back. It had gotten to the point where my hairline was slowly starting to resemble a man in his 40s. My only saving grace was a set of Jessica Simpson clip on bangs I found on Amazon.

Jessica Simpson saves the day! (Who ever would have thought those words would be uttered on the internet?)
Jessica Simpson saves the day! (Who ever would have thought those words would be uttered on the internet?)

All I could think was “When is this going to stop!? Will my hair ever grow back?” Thankfully, right around six months postpartum, it finally stopped. My hair was no longer coming out by the handful, and beautiful little wispy hairs started to grow in all the balding spots. Or at least, I thought it was beautiful… Until I tried to style it. I had become so obsessed with the thought of my hair finally growing back that I had completely failed to imagine what that might look like. A head of long, thin, curly hair with a deep patch of short wisps all along the front of my hairline.

A mullet. I am growing a mullet.

So now that I can finally rest assured that I will not be bald forever, I do have to sport the likeness of a middle aged biker woman from the 1980s (oooh! Halloween costume idea!). But what’s most surprising about all this is that I find myself in a place where I gladly embrace my mommy mullet because it means I get to nurture and snuggle my sweet baby boy. This does not mean, however that I have “let myself go” after becoming a mom. It simply means that if a mullet is the price I have to pay to be a mommy, then I will pay it gladly… While wearing my Jessica Simpson bangs. 😉

Comments

  1. Courtney

    Oh my gosh!!!! What an amazing writer! And I love the topic. Lol.

  2. Summer

    So cute, Jamianne! And I miss my bangs but just grew them out… Those clip-ins seem like a great option, lol!

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