Getting Better… and Worse
Oh, the roller coaster ride of healing all the ailments Celiac disease has caused. It seemed like such a miracle when I found out that all I had to do was change what I ate and I would be a healthy person for the first time in my life. And for the first time in my life, I did feel healthy. I had energy, I had motivation… I actually wanted to wake up in the morning! But it was too good to last. Now that my doctor has me on a kitchen counter full of supplements to help heal all the damage gluten has done to me over the years, I get to experience all the wonderful die-off effects as my body slowly balances out. Back to a foggy brain, no motivation and no energy, all as I stumble through the most difficult college semester yet.
Since I feel like my natural optimism is slowly fading, I thought maybe writing down a few things that are positive in my life might help me be less negative. So here are a few things that are actually making life tolerable right now.
Since any cardio is out of the question, and even Pilates has left my body crashing and burning for the rest of the day, I had to find the gentlest possible way to keep my body working towards some kind of fitness (no matter how small). The idea of joining a yoga class was quickly dispelled at the thought of other people watching me fall over on my yoga mat. So why not fall over in in the comfort of my own apartment? I found this great Yoga Zone video for inflexible beginners like me on Hulu. Yes, there are many remnants of 90’s hair styles and brightly colored cut-off t-shirts in this series, but it’s the only video I found where I could focus on breathing and stretching instead of wincing and balancing.
If any book can get me feeling good about the healthy choices I’ve made, it’s Skinny Bitch by Rory Freedman and Kim Barnouin. Though I’m not a fan of their strong language and crude phrasing, these women give you the facts. It’s not just a book about how to look fabulous… it’s a guide to stop putting poison in your body and start treating yourself with respect. I highly recommend this book to anyone looking to make a radical change in their lives, or even anyone who already has and just needs some positive reinforcement (this book is ideal for reading before those food-centric holidays to remind yourself why you’re not going to cave and eat your Aunt Nancy’s world-famous chocolate fudge).
Working Towards a Goal
Though I am constantly overwhelmed with schoolwork, classroom observations, projects, practice, and music to memorize, I wouldn’t trade it for anything. I may be miserable now, but I’m working towards my goal. After years of working at a dead-end job in retail waiting for a financially appropriate time to finish my BA in Music Education, I’m on my way to finishing it. And nothing feels better than to switch from being sick and miserable while working toward nothing to being sick and miserable while working toward your dream. It’s not easy by any means, but I am growing more as a person, a musician, and a future music (and possibly math) teacher every day and I thank God for the opportunity to do so.
I cannot tell you how wonderful, caring, loving, understanding and compassionate my husband has been through this whole ordeal. To know that he is there for me. When I feel my ugliest. When I can’t stand the thought of getting out of bed in the morning. When I’m so sick and tired of reading ingredient labels. When I just want to say “screw it!” and eat a pint of Moose Tracks ice cream (Yes, death by ice-cream is weak. But it’s Moose Tracks! What a way to go…). He may not have known the mess he was getting into when he married me, but he sure has been incredible as this mess (a.k.a. me) has progressed. God has truly blessed me with an incredible man, and I can only hope that you all have someone half as wonderful to help you through life’s hard times.
So here’s to an attempt to be more positive, fully appreciate my husband, eat less preservatives, and do more yoga!